Why? ((Journal entry, open to all text replies, and to <user site="livejournal.com" user="victormak

[nottabeater]

I... just need to write something down, I guess. Something happened, and I'm not sure... I....

So sad. We all are. Some are mad. Honey's all confused and isn't sure what's going on. Neither am I, really.

Jazz is dead.

Not my sparkmate... the other one. The funny big brother one that I tried so hard to save during the war. And now he's gone.

;_;

Comments

[go-endeavour.livejournal.com]

Where she's been hiding since the news came down, mostly because she feels it's not her place to get involved.

She'd only known all of them for three or so weeks.

Still, she returned Bee's hug rather strongly. "I mean it. And I know how it feels, I really do. I just..."

She trails off.

She hates when people die.

[nottabeater.livejournal.com]

"Your sister," she says softly. "I'm sorry."

[go-endeavour.livejournal.com]

"It was a long time ago. Don't worry about it. All I'm saying is that I just get it, you know? And it feels like it's following me around..."

She shutters her optics a few times in rapid succession and hastily wipes away the lubrication that's welling up in there.

"'Least you're not alone," she says with a smile. "I'm here. And you've got the others."

[nottabeater.livejournal.com]

"Yeah...." Bee's voice dissolves into static. "Just...."

She hides her face on Endeavour's shoulder.

[go-endeavour.livejournal.com]

"Hey." She pats the yellow 'bot's shoulder gently. "It'll get better. Eventually. I promise."

[nottabeater.livejournal.com]

"That's what they said about Cybertron," she rasps, feeling a little spurt of anger that wasn't directed toward her friend.

[go-endeavour.livejournal.com]

Endeavour frowns, but doesn't say anything.

Of course she didn't understand. No matter how many parallels she could draw, she just didn't get it. Didn't understand what the rest of them had been through.

She didn't belong. She draws back from Bumblebee slightly, as though afraid.

[nottabeater.livejournal.com]

Bee looks up at her questioningly. "I'm not mad at you."

[go-endeavour.livejournal.com]

"I know." A sigh. "But I shouldn't be here. Not right now, I don't think."

[nottabeater.livejournal.com]

"Why?" Bee frowns, but then puts a hand over her mouth as she remembers how young her friend really is. "I'm sorry for dumping all this on you."

[go-endeavour.livejournal.com]

"No, no, that's not what I mean," Endeavour says, shaking her head. "I mean that I just... I didn't know him well, and you guys all need your space and time to grieve..."

[nottabeater.livejournal.com]

"You're still one of us." Bee puts a hand on her shoulder. "And if this heats up we'll all need to stick together."

She was born in a time of war, has known nothing else her entire life, so she naturally expects this to be something to do with more war.

[go-endeavour.livejournal.com]

She lets herself smile. "I'm glad you think so. And you're right."

Endeavour was the quintessential peacetime machine, but it was like there was something inexplicable within her that just suddenly felt defensive.

A weapons system. Oh you've got to be kidding me...

[nottabeater.livejournal.com]

Bee manages a smile, then looks questioning as she hears Endeavour's gun click.

[go-endeavour.livejournal.com]

She draws back and stares at what has apparently just appeared on her arm. It's a nice sizeable rocket launcher.

"How apt," she says, more to herself than Bee. "I didn't even know I had this."

[nottabeater.livejournal.com]

"Sweet." Bee tilts her head and studies it, but then hurriedly excuses herself and heads back to her room as Honey starts to whimper.

[go-endeavour.livejournal.com]

Endeavour actually laughs. "Go be a mom, Mom."

Then she turns back to her workstation.